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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26173909">Afterlife</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmydandanie/pseuds/ohmydandanie'>ohmydandanie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>EXO (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Depression, Fantasy, M/M, Slice of Life, Substance Abuse, Suicide</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:55:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,344</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26173909</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmydandanie/pseuds/ohmydandanie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Life had a way with mysteries. It gave you puzzles to solve. Jongin wasn't given too much to find out in his life. That was until he lost the love of his life and it suddenly became the greatest mystery of all. It only opened a door to questions so much more than that. Questions in life itself.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Please do note that this story heavily mentions suicide and descriptions of said suicides.<br/>This whole fanfic is surrounded by this topic. This story does NOT romanticize suicide and does<br/>NOT encourage these acts. Sensitive subjects like these will be in this story quite a lot so if it does trigger<br/>you, I do hope that you turn from this story. TW includes: Homophobia, Abuse, Suicide, Depression, Loss.</p><p> </p><p>in the event that someone expresses their deep discomfort, this story will be taken down.<br/>as a person who battles with depression on a daily, my intention is not to romanticize or belittle the thoughts of those who suffer as well.<br/>this plot is original (at least i have not come across with anyone who has written similar content) and means a lot to me.<br/>i see a lot of myself in these characters and having an outlet to portray these emotions and stories is a big step for me.<br/>i hope not to disturb others.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Everything about him was beautiful. From the way he laughed to the way his lips would grace into a warm smile, taking on the shape of a heart. His velvet-smooth voice, eyes crinkling into two crescents as he would laugh, engulfing anyone around him in complete warmth. The most beautiful being on the Earth was Do Kyungsoo. Well according to Kim Jongin.</p><p>It’s just a shame at how that laughter is now gone. Jongin’s free time is now filled with silence and questions if he is alright, feigned concern from many of the girls in his class. It irritated him. How could no one be concerned about the boy who ended it all?</p><p>Leaning against the seat in his classroom, Jongin sits there with crossed arms. His teacher is talking about the loss that the school had just recently gone through but he <em>can’t</em> hear any of it. His mind is too focused on the desk two rows in front of him, eyes focused on the desk that belonged to Kyungsoo.  </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>“My name starts with ‘D’, so therefore this is my seat.” he told Jongin on their first day of school. The latter always had a favoritism towards the front of the classroom, first desk next to the window. Only this time he let Kyungsoo have it this year since the window in the classroom had been boarded up with wooden planks and just <strong>maybe</strong> Kyungsoo’s voice had coaxed him with that quiet front. That and the kid would not let Jongin take the seat due to his obsession with seating in alphabetical order.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Clouded in between his thoughts and the constant blabber from the teacher, Jongin cannot help but keep his eyes trained on the portrait of Kyungsoo’s smiling face that rested on top of the deceased boy's desk, taunting him. Just above the edges of the photo frame, Jongin can see the dark oxfords that belonged to Kyungsoo swinging from side to side. Eyes trailing up, he’s drawn into the sound of the constant <em>creaking</em> of the rope that holds Kyungsoo’s limp body up, hanging from the ceiling lifelessly. The sound was completely deafening. The sight was heart wrenching.</p><p>“Jongin?” His teacher’s voice seems to be overpowering the creaking now, but his eyes never leave Kyungsoo’s portrait. “Jongin, is there anything you want to say?”</p><p>Anything he wants to say? About Kyungsoo’s death? Something to comfort those who didn’t even take the time in their day to get to know him? No. He had nothing to say. If he were to say anything, he would spew hatred towards them. Question why they had the audacity to leave flowers at his desk, cluttering it with notes and candles. That is what he would do but a great part of him knows that Kyungsoo wouldn’t want that and he knows that Kyungsoo deserved so much love, even from those who didn’t give it to him.</p><p>Rising from his seat, he ignores the calling of his name as he marches up to Kyungsoo’s desk, snatching his portrait to clutch it to his chest tightly. Then he runs. Out of the classroom and out of sight as he cries. He runs past the hanging body that his mind keeps haunting him with. He runs to be alone. He runs to mourn over the loss he hasn't accepted.</p><p> </p><hr/>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. That Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's as if everyone is wishing he could forget that day. 6:43AM on a Saturday. He received the message from Sehun, his best friend of many years.</p><p>
  <em> "Listen. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I wanted you to at least hear it from me instead of the news. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Kyungsoo... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Committed suicide at school. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> My dad told me urgently this morning. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I'm so sorry, Jongin." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>His whole world seemed to have stopped at that moment. Everything his body did the next second was all on its own. His mind was blank as he quickly put on his clothes, slipping on his shoes without a thought. He could've asked his mother to take him but he didn't. He just ran, constantly. He did so quickly, reaching the gates of his school in the next five minutes. He wasn't tired. He couldn't be. The only thing he felt was a complete loss. His mind was filled with the thought of Kyungsoo. </p><p>How could he be dead? I just saw him yesterday. He was smiling. He was fine. It's not my Kyungsoo Sehun is talking about. Can't be.</p><p>He needed to see for himself. Jongin knows that Sehun's father was a local cop, but he needed to confirm.</p><p>Jongin didn't care about the cops blocking the entrance of the school, taping the walls with caution tape. What was there to caution about? It's just Kyungsoo, right? </p><p>Before he even reaches the front doors, Sehun's father is already walking towards him with his hand out, ready to stop him from entering. "Stop. Please just let me see him." The student sobs, pushing away at the man's hands, trying to force his way in. "I need to see him. I need to see if it's really him." The tears won't stop falling from his eyes as he cries, trying to fight off the cops approaching him. They tell him that he shouldn't, that it's really Kyungsoo but he doesn’t believe them.</p><p>He just needed to see it for himself.</p><p>With all of his force, he broke through the men before running as quickly as he could inside the building. His breath is labored, feet stomping up the stairs to make it to the second floor. There are more cops but they don't even try to stop him as he nears the entrance of his classroom. There's more tape guarding it but he sees it as no obstacle. It's as if they knew who he was, watching him with pity as he came closer. Their heads lowered as if they were apologizing for it.</p><p>He didn't want that.</p><p>Jongin didn't want all of the breath to come to him all at once like it did once he finally peeked his head through the sliding doors. </p><p>There he was.</p><p>He could tell it was Kyungsoo. Even if it was just his backside profile. He could pick out that short body in a crowded room. The way Kyungsoo's black hair was placed neatly because he liked his hair combed. The only difference was that the boy had it shaved cleanly along the side and the back. If it were any other situation than this, Jongin would have snorted, caressing the boy's face as he cooed. "You're so fancy." He would tease. And then he would ask 'why the sudden change', even though he already knew the answer. He knew that Kyungsoo would have wanted to make it easier for anyone that was putting him to rest. It's the reason why the boy had his school belongings neatly organized on the top of his desk as well. </p><p>"Kyungsoo." That's the only thing he could make out, throat constricting itself from making any other noise. </p><p>
  <em> Do Kyungsoo. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They send him home after ten minutes of sitting in the hallway, staring into the classroom from afar as the cops do their jobs in documenting everything.</p><p>Sehun walks him back, arm wrapped around him during every step of the way.</p><p>He's thankful, really. He's thankful that he has a friend like Sehun who comforts him without question, not giving the pity stare and not asking anything. He doesn't even mention Kyungsoo unless Jongin manages to open his mouth to even say something. The whole time he had cried out loudly throughout the walk, recalling happy memories while Sehun consoled him. </p><p>It isn't until they reach Jongin's home and seat themselves into his bedroom that they actually speak about it. Jongin cried all the way home so he had to stop for now or else he would pass out from hyperventilating excessively. That and Jongin wanted to know if Sehun had any information from his father. His friend was hesitant but he knew Jongin had the right to know the details he had at hand. It would at least help with coping.</p><p>He was told that Kyungsoo had done it on Friday after everyone had gone home. Kyungsoo had snuck onto the school grounds in the night to do what he did. According to the timeline, the boy attended his classes, hung out with Jongin in the afternoon, gone for a haircut afterward, then made his way to the building after assembling his belongings. Apparently the things organized onto his desk were documents, a letter, and school work he had completed. The only items at hand were the small little mp3 player he had for years, earbuds plugged into his ears with the music still playing.</p><p>Typical Kyungsoo.</p><p>This whole time Jongin was thinking of any signs he could have seen ahead of this. Sehun tells him there was none. He slightly believed that.</p><p>Kyungsoo was fairly a happy male. Although he was quiet, Jongin had thought it was because he was an introvert. When they first started becoming acquaintances, Kyungsoo didn't like to talk much. It was mostly Jongin talking his ear off, trying to initiate a conversation. He never disclosed much about his home life. Although he did visit Kyungsoo's home a few times into the two years they dated, his parents were never home. The only time he did meet them, they were not glad to hear the news. Kyungsoo assured him it was fine and that he would still continue to date him. He thought that was the end of it, but perhaps that was Jongin's mistake.</p><p>"But that's the thing, Jongin. We will never know. Unless Kyungsoo put it in his letter... we can't really blame anyone." Sehun sighs. "Unfortunately I don't know what's in the letter yet, but if I did I would let you know... My dad says he won't be able to give it yet until things are settled. Should be sent to whoever it's meant for soon."</p><p>"Kyungsoo wouldn't want us to blame it on anyone." His voice monotone, Jongin lays down in his bed and curls up under the sheets as he turns his back facing towards Sehun. "Thank you for walking me home, dude. Really..." He can feel the tears welling in his eyes once again, feeling an overwhelming wash of sadness suddenly. "I just really would like to be alone for a while."</p><p>Sehun understands immediately, rising from the bean bag chair to make his way towards the door. "Alright, Jongin." He's almost quiet, hand touching the doorknob. "Just text me if you need anything. Call me. I'll tell your parents that you want to be alone for a while... Just remember that you're not alone." And those were the last words he said before leaving. The only thing Jongin could think was if Kyungsoo felt alone.</p><p>Those thoughts crowd his mind for hours, eyes swollen from all of the silent crying he's been doing into his pillow. His throat is calling for water but his mind tells him to endure it, to hang onto the pain that scratches his throat. </p><p>Two hours in, his eyes finally lull him to rest unwillingly.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>In this dream, he could see him. Kyungsoo sitting underneath the lone tree in their schoolyard. No one really bothered to go near it because of its eerie vibes but Kyungsoo always told him he found comfort in it. "It looks so peaceful. Sometimes being alone is peaceful." He would say as he pulls Jongin's hand towards the tree. They spent countless days in that very spot, underneath the tree. Jongin would lean his back against the wood and brush his fingertips through Kyungsoo's locks while the latter laid down on the grass, head in his boyfriend's lap as he read his favorite novel.</p><p>In this dream, Kyungsoo is holding that same novel. This time around, it was him resting against the wood, alone. The air smelled like autumn, leaves falling from the lone tree. Kyungsoo's not reading the book but staring out towards the orange sun that seems to be setting just behind the buildings of the town. Jongin can recognize the spine of the book, lips curling up slightly at the engraved letters spelling out '<em> A Walk To Remember </em>'. </p><p>As he draws in nearer, the boy seems to be getting further. Jongin's feet begin to run but his destination just moves farther and farther, almost impossible to reach.</p><p>"Kyungsoo!" He calls out but there's no response. Jongin's legs continue to move, not willing to give up on him. "Kyungsoo, I'm right here!" </p><p>It's then that the boy slowly turns his head, eyes filling with tears. The sight is like a movie's, dream panning in on Kyungsoo's solemn expression.</p><p>"I know, Jongin." </p><p>When he wakes in an instant, Jongin is only left to cry alone into his pillow once again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The day after Jongin's fiasco in the classroom with Kyungsoo's portrait, he doesn't return to school for three days. It wasn't because he was embarrassed. He would never be ashamed of his love for Kyungsoo. It was only for the reason that Kyungsoo's desk didn't even belong to him anymore.</p><p>Of course, Sehun had dropped off his homework for the days he had been missing, the school being quite sympathetic towards his situation. He didn't have the mood for any homework though, piling the papers onto his desk before returning back to his bed. </p><p>He constantly finds himself in the same spot every day. The only reason to go out of his room is to retrieve water and snack on something simple. He doesn't eat that much. Not because he wants to starve but simply because he has no urge to eat. Jongin doesn't even feel anything. The only emotion he feels is the pain in his chest and the disbelief.</p><p>His parents check in on him every other hour or so, just take the precaution of their son's immediate depression. Jongin is always in bed every time they peek their head through the door. He pretends to be sleeping though, for the one minute the door is open. Once the sound of the door shutting is head, he resumes to his tears as his hand clutches onto his pillow tightly.</p><p>On the fifth day of Jongin's absence, it being a week since Kyungsoo's passing, the boy stares at himself in the mirror. He's losing his shape due to locking himself up in the room. His best guess is that if he returns to school to play soccer, he would most likely be unable to catch up. He didn't enjoy soccer that much anyways.</p><p>Sunday comes soon and he's still in the same state. </p><p>Feeling absolutely nothing. </p><p>His mother attempts to cheer him up with his favorite meal but it doesn't do much. It's not his mother's culinary skills that makes the food taste bland against his tongue, but the sadness that eats him whole. He barely eats half of the plate before returning into his bedroom with a muttered 'thanks, mom'.</p><p>The same day replays once again once he reaches his room, stripping down into his comfortable attire before going back underneath the sheets. His eyes are trained towards the wall against his bed, index finger tracing along a small doodle that Kyungsoo had drawn during his first night over. The boy always slept on the side against the wall, liking the feeling of Jongin trapping him between himself and the wall with welcoming warmth. Once the younger had fallen asleep one night, Kyungsoo had drawn a little heart underneath a set of words.</p><p>"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful."</p><p>Jongin knows it had something to do with Kyungsoo's knack for novels but he never questioned further the next day. He just left it there, allowing the small doodle to imprint itself onto Jongin's life.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jongin wonders when in his life would he ever accept Kyungsoo's passing. It's been a month and he still wonders why and wonders how Kyungsoo must be living now. </p><p>He had started attending school after two weeks but nothing was doing it for him. The teachers kept talking nonsense, teaching things that fly right through his head. The biggest buzz on his campus was the mystery of piled up paper airplanes on the schoolyard by the trash bin but that was the only interesting thing, really. Everything was just trivial at this point. The school was just a constant reminder of his love and the memories he cherishes. Even at home. It's as if Kyungsoo is everywhere he goes. He couldn't live with it. It was emotionally draining, pretending you were alright.</p><p>Sehun doesn't ask questions. If anything, Sehun doesn't talk to him all that much anymore. He figures that its the aura that he gives off like he wants space. But maybe he wants anything but that. He needs someone to talk to, to be around, to distract him. Jongin couldn't voice that. It was too embarrassing. So he locks himself up to sleep, sleep, and sleep. </p><p>All he ever does is sleep and the only thing that comes from it was the fact that he would get to see a glimpse of Kyungsoo's smile and hear his voice. It's as if it was a vision from Heaven.</p><p>Things were steady like that for a while. That is until the letter came in.</p><p>Sunday morning, a month in Kyungsoo's death, Sehun arrived at his doorstep.</p><p>He wore a solemn expression.</p><p>It could only mean one thing.</p><p>It was about Kyungsoo.</p><p> </p><p>"I brought you something," Sehun said. "Everything is finally settled and after sorting everything out, it turns out the letter was for you."</p><p>Ah, it was bittersweet. </p><p>He was the last one to receive words from Kyungsoo and Jongin didn't really know how to process that. </p><p>"I hope that this can help you, Jongin." </p><p>And then the letter was in his hands.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Dear Jongin, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I don't really know how to say this.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I really wish I could make you understand. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> There are reasons in my life as to why I would do something like this. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But I can't bring myself to say them. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They're embarrassing and I hope you can understand that. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I'm really sorry, Jongin.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You were one of the only reasons I ever stayed alive, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> but some events stopped me from wanting to live. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> To live with the dark secrets. To live with me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I hope that you can live your life without me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It'll hurt, but I need you to try and understand me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I am really sorry. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I will always love you, Jongin. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Even from wherever I am sent... I will always love you. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Do Kyungsoo. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It's a vague letter and only opens up so many more questions.</p><p>Kyungsoo was someone he could run to whenever he had any problems in his life (the ones he did have). Did Kyungsoo not feel the same way? </p><p>He is sure that there were things he did not know about Kyungsoo, such as his family tree, but his boyfriend seemed so happy. At school, he seemed fine and he never showed any fear or sadness, aside from when Jongin's 'fans' brought problems to their love life. Aside from that, everything seemed dandy.</p><p>Perhaps there were so many signs he missed.</p><p>Kyungsoo could have been asking for help in the tiniest of ways and Jongin could never forgive himself for that.</p><p>So he cries and thinks of death and sadness, the very things that took Kyungsoo away.</p><p>And then he sleeps.</p><p>An endless cycle.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>His dream welcomes him sudden warmth, a blinding white, and the smell of Autumn.</p><p>The dream is too surreal, being able to control his own body and his own thoughts as he feels the cold floor upon his fingertips.</p><p>Perhaps this is a lucid dream, he thinks. </p><p>It must be how it works, if he remembers correctly. At one point in his childhood, he had mentioned to Sehun about trying to train himself in it but it never fell through.</p><p>He hadn't been trying in so long so why did he suddenly have this power now?</p><p>Jongin's thoughts are suddenly interrupted as his vision finally comes to him completely, finding himself on the floor. He's awoken in the main hallway of his school, dressed neatly in his school uniform. And if he concentrates hard enough, he can see a silhouette of a human figure from not too far. </p><p>"Hello?" he calls out. "Is there someone there?"</p><p>"Of course." The figure responds, approaching closer. As he does, Jongin is able to make out another male student with an orange juice box in his hand. The uniform is the same but the person isn't familiar. </p><p>"Where am I?" Jongin asks foolishly. </p><p>"School." The other male responds simply, taking a sip out of the box as he leans his body against the metal lockers with it's aqua blue painting chipping off casually. "You must be really sad if you're here." He continues to speak as Jongin is in complete confusion. </p><p>"What do you mean? I'm sad... Of course, I am." Jongin scoffs, finding his strength to pick himself off the floor and dust himself off. "Seriously... Where am I, and who in the hell are you?"</p><p>Now the guy was laughing as if he was mocking Jongin. "Hell! That's funny. You're close though." He shrugs. "The name is Jongdae, thanks for asking. And you sir, are in Heaven and Hell, I guess. I haven't really found out myself. Guess it's both." </p><p>"You're not making any sense."</p><p>Now finished with his beverage, the student crushes it in his hands and finally turns his attention to Jongin to get a good look at him. "Consider it Heaven and Hell put together. A place that traps people who mistakenly take their lives for granted and a play place for those who never want to return home." </p><p>His words were deep, yet frightening all at once.</p><p>"Then why am I here? I haven't taken my life..."</p><p>"I guess you're more dead then you are alive." Jongdae responds with a shrug before dropping the box to the floor and walking towards the building's staircase.</p><p>"Wait... I..." Jongin calls out for him, but he doesn't wait. So he just sits there, trying to comprehend what the hell that guy just said. Unfortunately, he must have lost all of his listening skills during his mourning, unable to decipher what the initial message was. </p><p>Jongin is lost in his thoughts until the crumbled juice box on the floor vanishes to thin air as if it had not been resting there for five minutes, having him jump in shock before trailing behind Jongdae's tracks, running up the stairs.</p><p>He runs and runs and runs.</p><p>The scenery is familiar.</p><p>Second floor.</p><p>Classroom A23.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kyungsoo.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>His feet lead him straight there, to that very room. </p><p>His footsteps are loud against the tiled floors, echoing down the empty halls.</p><p>It's familiar with it's wide space. All the desks are arranged accordingly. The only difference was that the boarded window in the real world was no longer boarded up. Blinding sunlight shone through the window, illuminating the room with its warmth. </p><p>There's a figure in the corner of the room by the window. Another silhouette.</p><p>"Hello?" Jongin's voice breaks the silence.</p><p>The silhouette moves, almost jumping at his call. </p><p>Jongin approaches close, and when he does his mouth parts and his eyes immediately fill with tears. </p><p>"Jongin." Kyungsoo's velvet voice is quiet, but it's loud to Jongin's ears. "What are you doing here?"</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. No Time Like Now</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jongin is more than convinced that this all a dream now. Kyungsoo was here, live and in action in his dream. He is praising the heavens for the phenomenon that is lucid dreaming. He has no idea about that Jongdae kid, but if he had to have weird events happen constantly just to see the love of his life, he would repeat it so often. Endlessly, even.</p><p>They haven't exchanged many words, leaving off at the question of why Jongin is in the classroom, but that's because the latter hasn't even answered. He is still in disbelief. He has had vague dreams of Kyungsoo and his voice but never was he ever even able to actually talk or interact with the boy himself in his dreams. In this dream, he had complete control. It was hard not to go wild and confess his love a million times, but this was probably his only chance. He at least needed to say something for closure.</p><p>"Soo... I'm here for you, of course." Jongin manages to reply with a steady voice, throat itching from the crying.</p><p>Simple answer. Was it wrong?</p><p>The frown on Kyungsoo's face is not pleasant to see, the boy's bushed brows furrowing as if he was in deep thought. What was he thinking about? There were endless possibilities. </p><p>Instead of a reply, Kyungsoo cautiously makes his way towards Jongin with small steps. It was like he was scared that he was going to disappear into thin air. It isn't until his fingertips touch the fabric of Jongin's uniform blazer, his eyes suddenly go wide at the realization that he too was real. </p><p>"Jongin, you idiot." He sighs as he lets his head fall to rest his forehead on the tall male's torso. "You shouldn't be here." </p><p>It then that Kyungsoo finally embraces him into a tight hug, hoping never to let go. Jongin remains there, taking the moment in. </p><p>Kyungsoo understands that his words are completely selfish to say, ironic since he made the decision himself to take his own life but it did not mean he never wanted to see his loved ones again. In fact, he saw the love of his life everyday from above. Jongin was always so close, yet so far. This time he was actually here. He didn’t know how, but he was.</p><p>Jongin stands there, taking in Kyungsoo’s familiar scent, accepting his warmth as he hugs the other in return.</p><p>“Can't you just be happy that I'm here?” His voice his gentle, body trembling. The thing was that Kyungsoo is happy. It's just a gut feeling in his body that makes this feel wrong. How could he be happy when Jongin is in the place that took him for eternity? His thoughts are interrupted by Jongin's calming voice. “I’m right here, Soo. I’ll always be right here.” </p><p>There’s an upsetting feeling in his stomach. Perhaps the feeling of word vomit finally coming along. The words that he wanted to say to Kyungsoo were all coming out now. Maybe he’s having this dream for him to finally go on with his life and move on.</p><p>“But how could you do that to me, Kyungsoo… To me? To the people who love you?” With his hurtful words, he can feel the other’s hold become loose with each word. “I thought you were okay, Soo. You didn’t even tell me you were sad. Do you know how devastated I was? You fucking left. Just like that.” His jaw is clenched, the quivering of his body halted as it has now become stiff. “Why didn’t you come to me? I would have listened.”</p><p>“Jongin…”</p><p>“Kyungsoo… Your letter told me nothing!” He was angry. Kyungsoo could feel it in every inch of his voice. “You left like that and your letter showed me your love, but it never explained why you left! I could have listened! I would have! Kyungsoo, I could have done something! I could have... done something for you. But I did nothing, Kyungsoo. Nothing."</p><p>His voice echoes in the empty classroom before a long silence takes over.</p><p>What was going through Kyungsoo’s head?</p><p>There’s a pause, filling the emptiness with tense air.</p><p>“There are reasons people do things, Jongin. Someday you will know, maybe. Just not now. I hope you can understand that.”</p><p>“Someday? Kyungsoo… There is no other day! I’ll never see you again!”</p><p>Kyungsoo then lifts up his head at this, lips tugging upwards into a gentle smile. </p><p>“But from up here? I’ll always see you. Just wait, okay? One day I’ll be ready.”</p><p>Before Jongin can say anything, a loud bell rings throughout this world. It’s much different than the school’s bells. It’s distinct with its loud chimes, ringing in his ears. Kyungsoo’s well aware of this sound, as he’s heard it before, so he just hugs Jongin tighter. He hugs as if Jongin were to disappear from his hold.</p><p>“I love you, Jongin. I’ll always love you. Never forget it." He offers a warm smile. "Don't come back here."</p><p>And with this, the bell chimes much louder this time. The sound is becoming deafening as there's a harsh pull between the two bodies, prying the couple away together. Jongin is in shock at all of this, trying to hold Kyungsoo closer to him, but it is impossible. Kyungsoo has already given up on his hold, delicately holding onto Jongin's fingers before they're forced apart completely. </p><p>Jongin's body is flung off to the side, being tossed towards the classroom wall before Kyungsoo is seen in the distance, white swelling whole once again.</p><p>He wakes up in the same place where he had slept. His bedroom.</p><p>An odd dream.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He isn't sure how he's supposed to feel about last night's dream. You would think that he would be completely heartbroken but it has made him feel the best mood he has ever felt since Kyungsoo's passing. </p><p>Jongin was seemingly happier these days. Perhaps it was his dream? Most likely.</p><p>He spends most of his time in class, daydreaming about the boy beside the classroom window, eyes trained on the same spot every single day. As per usual, all of the teacher's words flew right through his ear and came out the other, mind completely focused on the imaginary figure of Kyungsoo looking out the window like he had done in his dream. There's no silhouette. Just Kyungsoo.</p><p>Although the classroom window in the corner was still boarded up with the brown wooden planks, rusted nails keeping the window shut, it did not stop Jongin from propping his elbow onto his desk, resting his chin upon his palm as he imagined Kyungsoo's sunshine smile as he sits beside the window.</p><p>He was so lost from this one single dream. It had him charmed. Jongin was so delusional to the point where the students were giving him odd looks, the teacher frustrated and leaving Sehun concerned. </p><p>When Friday rolls around the corner, Sehun finally manages to bring it up when Jongin invites him over to play some Fortnite. He had honestly been scared to speak more than a brief conversation with him since Jongin barely mutters a few words to him, but seeing the latter finally smile, it was fishy. </p><p>"Hey, uh, Jongin." He starts off, gaining the boy's attention with the lift of his head. "Are you... seeing someone new?" If you think about it, it was was not entirely a foolish thing to ask, seeing as how Jongin was smiling in the classroom for the past few days as if he was head over heels over someone. Sehun has not seen Jongin look that way since he met Kyungsoo, gushing over the new small boy in his life. </p><p>Jongin just stares at him blankly for a moment. </p><p>"Someone... new?" He responds, slightly appalled that Sehun would even ask such a thing.</p><p>"Yeah... You've been acting really... distracted these few days. I mean I know why you've been that way for the past few months, but this week is different. You're more jolly like you've taken an interest in someone or something." Sehun's rambling now, worried that Jongin would take his words the wrong way. </p><p>He would not have asked if it did not seem necessary, but his friend was really off. There was no dead look in his eye, no moping, so silence. Jongin has talked all lunch period and that is the most talking he has done for a month. It was weird. It's not that Sehun wasn't happy for Jongin if he was moving along, but he was just concerned. He didn't want his best friend to have found a temporary fix.</p><p>For the past week or so, Sehun has been piling his desk at home with books on depression and reading through pamphlets to see if there was anything he could do for Jongin. He has not come up with a conclusion on how to help, but he was working on it. </p><p> With this awkward confrontation, Jongin can feel his blood boiling within his veins. Sehun means well but the tanned boy cannot see it like that right now. He was blinded by his delusional thoughts. </p><p>"Why the fuck would you think that?" He growls. "Kyungsoo just died, Sehun." He felt angry that the thought would even cross his best friend's mind. How could someone who claimed to understand him ruin the happiness he's feeling?</p><p>Setting the PS4 controller down, he stands up with hands clenched at his side. "Get out." He orders sternly. Jongin has never shown such an attitude towards Sehun before in all their years of friendship. Maybe things were changing for the both of them. Their relationship was slowly becoming damaged and Sehun is getting overwhelmed on how to fix it. He can't do it alone. Hearing Jongin's demand to get the hell out of his house, he quickly does so. He doesn't leave past the doors without a few apologies. Jongin's anger makes him deaf to them.\</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Staring into the bathroom mirror before bed, Jongin inhales deeply. Thinking about earlier events just makes him angry. There was no way in hell that he would fall in love with someone new. There was only Kyungsoo for him in this lifetime, whether he was alive or not. Jongin vowed that he would never ever marry or even think about kissing someone else. Love was banned. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>After two weeks of attending school alone, no dreams of Kyungsoo, and no conversation with anyone besides a brief greeting with his parents every now and then - Jongin found himself to become back to the person he was the day Kyungsoo left. He felt alone, depressed, and disillusioned. The happiness from the last 'dream' Jongin had with Kyungsoo was wearing off. He missed Kyungsoo, as he did every day. But it's become so long since the encounter that he's beginning to forget every single detail. Jongin thinks he should have written it down, but it was too late for that now. He couldn't remember all of it.</p><p>It's all hazy. The Jongdae kid, Kyungsoo's smile and scent, and the feeling of his embrace. The memory was fading day by day and he needed more of it. It had only happened once, yet he was so. addicted to it. Frustrated with this newfound addiction, Jongin begins studying.</p><p>He doesn't begin studying for school if that's what people were thinking. He began to look into lucid dreaming again, wanting to begin practicing. Maybe it could put his heart at ease and he could do it for the rest of his life as long as he got a glimpse of his dead lover.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Two more weeks pass by and Jongin's high grades were depleting. He was too busy looking into the phenomenon on the computer late at night, body adapting to the new schedule. Insomnia began to take over his life, leaving no room for sleep at home. Once he sat at his desk, he would bury his head into his desk and fall asleep there. There was concern from the school, his parents, and Sehun of course. But the latter had learned his lesson. Though he'd watch from afar, he couldn't help Jongin anymore. He can't take the new person he has become.</p><p>When Jongin returns home one day from school, his parents are sitting at the dinner table. Both of them are looking down at the brown wood, his mother slowly stirring the coffee in her mug. "Jongin." His father calls out. His voice is gentle and stern at the same time, giving him a bad feeling. Maybe they have found out about his bad grades. </p><p>He couldn't have been more correct. Having their son join them at the table, they begin to scold him. Words of how he should know better and that he needs to move on and get going with his life and his future before it's too late. The conversation gets heavily heated, voices raising and tears shedding. It's all fun and games until Jongin's father stands up and accidentally spews words of hatred. "I hate that kid!" He shouted, finger pointing accusingly at Jongin's face. It's as if he was trying to point at Kyungsoo's soul standing from right behind him. It brings heavy pain to his chest. "I hate that kid for offing himself! He's made you like this! A lifeless kid!" </p><p>His body is shaking, tears pouring from his eyes as he feels his body goes into a panic. He can't take this anymore. His feet bring him to dash upstairs and into the bathroom, snatching a bottle from the medicine cabinet. Last stop being his bedroom, Jongin shuts the door and locks it from behind him. </p><p>His room isn't soundproof, but he doesn't care. He cries, and he does it hard. So hard, his chest physically aches and his throat is beginning to burn from the screams. He can his mother crying from under his feet and his father screaming for him to come back down. He just wants it all to stop. He's so mentally tired, he just wishes the world would just stop for him for just one minute. </p><p>Sitting at the foot of his bed, the teen looks down at the white bottle in his hand. It makes a small rattling noise as he turns it around to read the information written across it. It was a bottle of sleeping pills that were prescribed to his mother. Taking the dosage that was said to on the bottle, he decides that he will take a nice slumber on time for once. He could always study lucid dreaming tomorrow.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It's cold.</p><p>He felt the temperature change at once, once sleep took him away from the real world. With a groan, he attempts to open his eyes. It was dark a second ago and now it's suddenly all so bright. The sound of a straw sucking out at whatever content is left in a juice box is heard. Jongin knows this has to be familiar.</p><p>"So you're back." Jongdae is standing right in front of Jongin's head, greeting the latter's line of sight with his polished Oxford shoes.</p><p>Throwing the juice box down onto the floor like he did the first time, the elder student laughs and walks down the hallway before disappearing again. Jongin doesn't waste any time conversing with that kid as he quickly gets onto his feet to run up the hallways. He could see Kyungsoo today and that's all that was on his mind. </p><p>Unfortunately, once he reaches the familiar classroom, Kyungsoo isn't by the window. However, he does see Jongdae again. The male has his back leaning against the wall with another juice box in his hand, sipping from that damn tiny straw. "Looking for your loverboy?" He questions, shaking the box a little from side to side to stir what's inside. Jongin is way too eager to deal with the teasing and nods his head. "You know where Kyungsoo is?" He asks, out of breath at this point. He's definitely lost some shape.</p><p>"The cafeteria." The other answers simply with a shrug, looking over at the round clock that hangs over the classroom's chalkboard. "You go to school, don't you?" He laughs. "It's lunchtime, kid."</p><p>"Lunchtime?" Jongin repeats back, confused in this world as per usual. </p><p>"Oh, man. You're gonna be fun to play with." The student laughs. "I'll walk you down to your lover boy. Just keep up the pace." </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>On the way down to the cafeteria, Jongin finds that he could have found it himself. This dream was mapped exactly like his actual school. He should've known that but he was just too excited to see Kyungsoo, he didn't give any thought. Instead, he allowed the new acquaintance to lead the way. Jongdae talked little about who he was and only continued to tease Jongin about his lack of knowledge. </p><p>Before dropping the kid off at the cafeteria, Jongdae stares long and hard at the other. The teasing suddenly stopped and Jongin can see some sort of solemn expression on his face. "You really don't know what you're doing here, do you?" He questions. It's rhetorical, so the other doesn't answer. Instead, he just stares at the elder takes a glimpse at Jongin's wrist, then walks off.</p><p>What was there to look at?</p><p>Lo and behold, there was a transparent bracelet wrapped around his tanned wrist on his right hand. Why hadn't he noticed this before? Was he wearing it the first time he was here? It seemed to have the texture and strength of resin or some sort. He doesn't know how it got there, but he cannot seem to rip it off. Figuring it was some sort of dream thing - he shrugged and entered the cafeteria in a hurry.</p><p>Looking around, he could see a handful of students scattered all around. It was nothing like the real-life where it was jam-packed as students rushed to grab a tray of food. He would say there were approximately fourteen or fewer students. It was interesting seeing something other than a classroom or an empty hallway. Footsteps leading him down the cafeteria, he easily finds Kyungsoo sitting where he would in the real world. </p><p>"Hey, beautiful." He greets like he would have back in the day, bringing an odd feeling to his chest. Nostalgic memories flood his brain, but why think of the past when I have the real thing right here?</p><p>His greeting, however, scares the hell out of Kyungsoo. It frightened him so much, his face went pale and he almost choked on his lunch. "What the hell, Kim Jongin!" His tiny fist punches at his chest as he coughs. He does laugh though, warming the atmosphere. It was almost as if it was the real world. They forget that for a second.</p><p>"I just wanted to say hi, you know." Jongin is a bit sulky, seeing that Kyungsoo isn't even happy to see him. </p><p>"Well at least don't creep up on me like that!" Kyungsoo inhales once the apple is gone from his throat. "You know I don't like it when you try to scare me." Shaking his head, he begins to dig back into his lunch as if it were an everyday thing. Once a silent moment passes, Kyungsoo stops all movement midway through feeding himself. His eyes move from his food to Jongin who is sitting across from him at the table. The male is just staring back with a lovestruck grin. </p><p>"What the hell are you doing here?" He sounds angry and Jongin can only widen his eyes. "What do you mean...?"</p><p>"I told you not to come back..." Anger is confirmed as he slams down his chopsticks. Jongin feels like a puppy being scolded, eyes lowering down onto the table and resting upon the black bracelet that wraps around Kyungsoo's wrist.</p><p>"What's wrong with me being here..." The puppy-like male mumbles. "I haven't seen you in weeks... and now I finally get to see you... Can't we just be happy?"</p><p>Kyungsoo pauses, then exhales deeply. </p><p>"Jongin... That's not how it works here..." Even he didn't know how it works in this world. Things just happened the way they do. The fact that Jongin is in this world makes him feel uneasy. It couldn't be that bad, could it? Maybe he's just a frequent visitor like many others that come and go in this world. He's just going through some stuff.</p><p>"Let's be happy then." He decides with a small smile, reaching out to hold Jongin's hand over the table.</p><p>"Let's be happy carefully, hm?"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Rush Over Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jongin begins to frequent the other world he's learned to enter. It's strange, he thinks, how this place quickly turned from a dream to his wanted reality. At first, he thought that he was just lucid dreaming, being able to control everything in his dreams. However, after endless research, he finds it to be different. There's no way he could dream himself in the same place repeatedly. Not only that, but everything was just way too real in its own way. His conversations with others and people he had never met were consistent as if they remembered the previous conversation. Aside from things disappearing here and there, like Jongdae's usual juice box, and the odd everlasting sunset and smell of Autumn - it felt too real. Like it was another world. He slowly began to acknowledge that this place may not be a figment of his imagination while in deep slumber. It had to be some kind of world where angels resided.</p><p>"Sooner or later, you'll get used to this place." Jongdae had told him, leaning against the tall tree that he and Kyungsoo had shared. He and Jongdae had spent time together on his fifth visit while Kyungsoo slept soundly in the orange leaves as a makeshift mattress. Jongin just stared out into the sunset with his head tilting slightly to the side as he's seated on the soft grass.</p><p>"I sure hope so."</p><p>"I'm not sure you'd want to." The elder sighs, turning his head to look at Jongin's wrist yet again though the latter doesn't notice.</p><p>"Why not?" The tanned male responds, turning back slightly to look at Kyungsoo's peaceful form with a small smile. "Everything I need is here. I wish I could never leave."</p><p>At that moment, a small black bead of smoke filled the transparent bracelet that wrapped itself around Jongin's wrist. Jongdae doesn't say anything for a moment as his eyes focus on the tiniest detail of the piece of jewelry.</p><p>"I thought the same thing." Jongdae smiles.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jongin continued to go to school, quickly doing his studies and then leaving straight for home. Sometimes Sehun would try and strike up a conversation, attempting to keep whatever friendship they had hanging alive. Jongin did miss his best friend, but at times he just missed Kyungsoo too much. So he would like occasionally that he had to go home and do his homework.</p><p>He promised Kyungsoo he would study harder and keep his grades up so the other wouldn't be upset. It was hard at times when all he wanted to do was go home and fall asleep quickly to meet Kyungsoo in their little safe haven, but a promise was a promise and he couldn't afford to waste time trying to get Kyungsoo to stop sulking.</p><p>Today, Jongin studies for an upcoming test with a bit of frustration. He couldn't quite get some of the questions due to the fact that he would fall asleep here and there during class. Which was another proof that the world Kyungsoo was in was most definitely not a dream. The dreams he would have in class were pointless. No school ground, juice boxes, or Kyungsoo.</p><p>While studying, his can hear three gentle knocks upon his bedroom door. With a groan, he turns his head with pursed lips. "What do you want, mom?" He asks with a grumble. Seeing the door slowly open with a creak, he's surprised to find his father peeking his head in, suit slightly shown through the crack. He's surprised, if he were to be honest. He has not spoken to his dad since that night they fought. To be quite honest, he still felt weary even just seeing him.</p><p>"Hey, bud." His father speaks gently as he lets himself in Jongin's room. It looks as if he does not exactly know how to go around what he wants to convey. Awkwardly making his way towards Jongin's bed to sit at the foot of it, he turns his head to see the photo frame that holds a photo of Kyungsoo and Jongin smiling rather happily. He feels guilt, turning his head away. Jongin just rolls his eyes and turns to look back at his homework.</p><p>"What do you want, dad?" He makes sure to keep his attitude tame.</p><p>"I was wondering..." He's beating around the bush with a pause, fingertips feeling along the soft comforter. "... if you'd like to join your old man at work." He pauses once more, turning to look at his son who has his back facing him. "It 'Take Your Kids To Work' night and I know how much you liked joining me on this occasion." Which was true. For the past years, Jongin and his father always went to share memories at his father's workplace. No matter how old Jongin was, he felt like a kid being in such a big building and getting to see what his dad left to do to take care of their family. However, Jongin felt like things have changed now.</p><p>"I've got to study for a test." He half-lies, wanting to find a way out.</p><p>His father sighs out lightly, almost inaudible. The elder turns his head towards the wall beside the bed to see Kyungsoo's little scribbles along the wall, lips curling downwards into a frown. "I see." He replies, unsure what to say. This would be the first year Jongin wouldn't be going to work with him. "Well if you decide to change your mind, I'll be downstairs until it's time for me to leave." And with that, he takes his leave from the bedroom and shuts the door behind him.</p><p>After a minute has passed, Jongin slams his fist upon the wooden desk. He felt that aching in his chest. It's so painful - the physical pain of depression. He wanted to go, but he truly did need to study. And studying takes time away from the time he could be spending with Kyungsoo. He can't study, go out with his dad, then go see Kyungsoo. It was wasteful.</p><p>Opening his drawer, he counts the pills that help lull him to a sound sleep. Then he turns to look at the ticking little clock that sits upon his desk. There was no time.</p><p>Once it hits 7pm, Jongin can faintly hear the sound of the front door opening and shutting as he got ready for bed. He had already taken the pill and it was taking him into a deep slumber, body sinking into his mattress.</p><p>With eyes closed, he's brought to the same cold feeling of the tiles in the hallway. As always, Jongdae is standing there with that juice box, holding his hand out for Jongin to take so he could get himself off the floor.</p><p>"Welcome back, buddy." Jongdae greets him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Where'd You Go?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If there is anything that Sehun has learned from Jongin's odd behavior is that he does not like his current state of happiness to be questioned. That's fair, he thinks. If Jongin was happy, then what more was there to ask? Actually, there was a lot to ask. How and why was he happy? Sehun was skeptical of it all. Not because he didn't want his best friend to find the happiness he deserved, but because he was genuinely worried. He knew all too well what an unhealthy addiction looked like thanks to his mother who had become addicted to drugs when he was merely a child. He had to age quickly thanks to that trauma, helping a grown woman stray away from the substance while his father had been too busy working. Things worked out in the end, but Sehun could never forget it.</p><p>When he looks at Jongin who timidly checks the time on his phone, he knows Jongin is itching to rush home. No matter how many times he tries to invite the other to his house to hang out like they had used to before Kyungsoo's passing, Jongin manages to find any kind of excuse to wiggle his way out of it. They were seemingly valid reasons to skip out, but Sehun knew better. It was like his mother who had wormed her way out of doing things. Out of his awards ceremonies and promotions. It was nothing new and the pain was still the same.</p><p>Who was he to question Jongin though? He was stepping on hot rocks and he had to be careful and approach everything differently. One wrong move and everything could go South.</p><p>During lunchtime, the pair of best friends seat themselves on the bleachers. Jongin is busy tapping away at his smartphone, rambling about lucid dreaming and the interest he has taken into it. Sehun can hear his words, slowly processing them. However, his mind stays elsewhere as he looks up at the blue sky and admires the free clouds floating by. Feeling the sweet breeze, he sees a paper plane high up in the sky. Turning his head to the right to where the school's buildings are, he doesn't see any students up on the rooftop. Perhaps it was just the school's delinquents playing tricks. </p><p>Yet again for the thousandth time today, a paper plane lands right beside the bleacher. It barely misses the trash bin and lands upon the pile of planes that had been flown before it's arrival. </p><p>Damn delinquents.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Today, Jongdae isn't there to greet Jongin. He doesn't find it all too weird since there were so many things to do in this world. Even so, he finds himself whining and complaining as he's seated beside Kyungsoo who has his nose buried into a book. "Pay attention to me!" He sulks with his lower lip jutted out into a childish pout. His deceased boyfriend just sighs and keeps his round eyes focused on the printed words. "Jongin... I'm studying." That's the only reply he receives.</p><p>"If you were just going to study for god knows what, then why did I come?" He continues a little pity party on his own. Though in his mind, it certainly wasn't his intention. He was worried. </p><p>The pills at home were slowly depleting with each passing day. Jongin did not dread his parents finding out that the special bottle of pills was gone from the medicine cabinet. He was dreading the day when he would open the bottle and it would be empty. Nothing was more satisfying ( aside from seeing Kyungsoo ) than rushing home to pull open the drawer of his desk and rattling that orange bottle. It gave him some sort of comfort knowing that he could escape the real world and appear where Kyungsoo was. He didn't want that to end.</p><p>Kyungsoo could sense some sort of worry in Jongin's sulking voice and he sets the book down. He wasn't aggravated, as he would be if it were the real world. Turning to his boyfriend, he offers a gentle smile and reaches out towards Jongin's left hand to hold it gently. "Alright, you cry baby." He teases. "My attention is all yours. What do you wanna do today?" </p><p>The other's shoulders come up and raise for a moment to give a shrug. He didn't know what he wanted to do specifically, but studying was definitely not one of those things. "I just wanna be together like we always are. With no books!" He makes sure to be vocal about that last part, eyes looking over the black bangle that sits around Kyungsoo's dainty wrist. "I checked the cafeteria today and they had chocolate pudding! Maybe we could go for a casual bite and then go for a walk!" He sounds like an excited puppy and it has Kyungsoo chuckling. </p><p>"Okay, little pup." </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>After their brief snack at the cafeteria, Kyungsoo drags Jongin outside to go for a nice walk. The weather was nice today, still having the vibes of sweet Autumn. As they walk along the gate of the school grounds, the taller stops for a moment to admire the buildings that wrap around the perimeter. It looked exactly like the buildings around the school back at home, though he didn't expect anything less. Kyungsoo stares as well and inhales deeply.</p><p>"I wonder what is beyond these gates." Jongin breaks the calm silence between them, hands releasing his lover's to grasp at the metal gate. It gives a little rattle, echoing between the sounds of the wind.</p><p>"Nothing." Kyungsoo is too busy admiring Jongin's harsh features to look out at the buildings. "Pass these gates is nothing but air. It's a figment of everyone's imagination." He knew from experience. "We only see it because it's what we remember." He knows that Jongin may not get it. His boyfriend was never really the brightest in the whole world. "Think of this place as a school on top of a giant cloud." He explains, watching Jongin's bright expression turn to furrowed brows and a confused look.</p><p>"How do you know that, Soo?" He's still all too curious, grip tightening against the metal. The next second he's attempting to climb the tall fence with little to no struggle. Meanwhile, the other is panicking as he turns his head from side to side to make sure no one else was witnessing this. "What the hell are you doing, Jongin?" Kyungsoo asks with eyes wide. "Get the hell down right now!" He sounded like a nagging mother, fearing for her child's safety. "You're gonna hurt yourself."</p><p>Jongin finally reaches the top with a proud grin, straddling the top of the metal bar's flat surface. "Come on, Soo." He shakes his head. "Don't be such a sourpuss." Feeling the wind and admiring the world from this height, he turns his head and looks down at Kyungsoo's small frame from where he is. "Most of all..." He reaches his hand down as he bends his body forward as his free hand balances himself. "Don't be afraid." </p><p>Kyungsoo contemplates on whether this was right. Not that it would be wrong - but would it be okay? Is it safe?</p><p>"Jongin... I'm scared." He admits, looking down at his hands. "I don't know what is out there."</p><p>"Don't be afraid, silly." The tanned teen wiggles his fingers as if it was going to hinder Kyungsoo's worries. "I'm right here. We'll go together and see!" </p><p>It is funny how that's all Jongin needs to say for Kyungsoo to change his mind. Sure, he was scared as hell but what more could he lose?</p><p>As he's about to reach up for his lover's hands, there's a flying juice box that's flying high up into the sky. "Jongin, watch out!" he exclaims. It's too late though and the box hits against his temple and throws him off guard. It didn't hurt, but it did surprise him. As he loses his balance and feels his body fall towards the other side of the fence, he shuts his eyes tight and waits for his body to hit the floor on the other side of the school grounds. However, he keeps falling and he swears he can hear Jongdae's voice say, "You idiots! Do you both wanna die?"</p><p>He finds it ironic.</p><p>When he opens his eyes, he's back in his bedroom.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It's exam day and he walks downstairs. His mother is standing beside the kitchen table with a small set of pancakes. They're decorated in strawberries cut up into the shape of the letter A's and plus signs. His parents did this every year, to wish him luck on exams and it always proved to be effective. It was the last year he would get this though since he was graduating.</p><p>After examining the breakfast prepared, he looks around the room once more and then looks at his mother. "Where's dad?" Jongin's voice sounds somewhat solemn. </p><p>"Your dad..." It's almost as if she didn't know what to say. "He went to work early today." What a way to break tradition and start the day. It is at this moment that Jongin could see what a war his household had become. Of course, his father didn't care. "B-But he told me to wish you good luck." His mother attempts to save the child from his negative thoughts. </p><p>They fail as he sits at the desk and stares holes into the pancake that's decorated with a smile made of whipped cream. It mocked him and his hope.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When he arrives on school grounds, the announcements are already starting. It's always the same thing, talking of school events and wishing the students good luck on the exams. And as per usual, it ends with the school body president pleading students to please stop flooding the bleachers with paper planes.</p><p>Sehun greets him with a quiet 'sup', always seeming to be either disinterested or distracted. It was exam day so Jongin doesn't blame him today. He just replies back with the same energy and greeting, then takes his place in his desk. Turning to Kyungsoo's old desk, he doesn't see the new kid that now takes over the spot. He can just see Kyungsoo with his dumb pile of hair combed neatly to the side as he assembles his pencils for the exam. </p><p>The new kid, however, looks back at Jongin with wide eyes.</p><p>"Need a pencil, Jongin?"</p><p>That's what Kyungsoo used to say.</p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Feel Good</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Back in the same place as before, Jongin is not surprised that Jongdae isn't here to greet him today. Though it gets odd, it becomes quite normal. It took some time for Jongdae to warm up and begin speaking to him before they became more than acquaintances. He seemed like a cold guy, almost laughing at his circumstance. Then he could see some sort of unreadable face off the boy's face after a few visits. Jongin doesn't know what it means but he's just glad it's not just Kyungsoo and himself. Sure, it was the best part of this whole experience, but meeting new faces made him want to stay more. If he could make more friends, he would want to stay forever.</p><p>Holding hands with Kyugnsoo as they walk down the halls to their classroom, they're both stunned to hear laughing nearby. It's coming from the classroom and they both swear that some of the laughter sounds familiar. It's confirmed that they're voices from people they know as they reach the doorway. It's Junmyeon and Chanyeol. They are new faces here in this realm, but not in the actual world.</p><p>Junmyeon was the school's class president and Chanyeol was the school's band drummer boy.</p><p>With eyes wide, Junmyeon's laughing stops, and his happy expression is turned to shock as he sees both Kyungsoo and Jongin. "W-What the hell..." He pauses for a moment. Meanwhile, Jongdae is just staring with his head tilted. "What's wrong? Do you know the lovebirds?" He acts as if it's not strange seeing them two together, shocking Junmyeon even more.</p><p>"I-Isn't Kyungsoo dead?" The student continues on, speaking those words as if they weren't a bit painful. Jongin is quick to stand a tad in front of Kyungsoo. His eyes are like darts as his face remains stoic. What the fuck did you just say was what he was going to say, but Jongdae was quick to interrupt him. </p><p>"Aren't we all?" </p><p>They all don't know if that's supposed to be a joke or the truth.</p><p>"What I mean is... Why are they in my dream?" </p><p>With Junmyeon's question, Jongdae shakes his head before his palm meets his forehead. "You all have a lot to learn, don't you?"</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>After what seems like forever, Jongdae thinks he has the new recruitments up to speed on what this place really might be. No one truly knows the answer but whatever the permanent tenants have come up with makes sense. It's a haven but also a nightmare to some. Jongin, Junmyeon, and Chanyeol don't see how it could be such a thing, bringing them away from the stress from their lives - but that's what Jongdae has told him anyway.</p><p>They're all seated in the classroom, huddled in a group of desks facing each other. It's ruined the classroom's tidiness but it was easier to speak this way.</p><p>"How did you guys get here anyway?" Chanyeol is the first to speak up after the explanation. There was a lot left to ask, as always. This place was unexplainable and it puzzled him.</p><p>"I'm sure you can guess." Kyungsoo's voice is quiet as he keeps his eyes focused on the spots on his desk. Jongin is holding his hand tight on top of the table as a message of comfort and support. "I hung myself, so now I'm here."</p><p>"What about you, Jongin?" Junmyeon asks, more interested in the tanned male's reasoning.</p><p>He could not come clean. It would upset Kyungsoo if he knew the truth. So he lied.</p><p>"I just cry myself to sleep and knock out." It was not much better of an answer, but it's a lot better than telling everyone here that he takes pills on the daily just to spend his time here. It was embarrassing and he did not want to see the concern that would be written all over Kyungsoo's face. It was an argument that he was willing to pass on. Plus, it made them both happy. What was wrong with a little white lie?</p><p>After a brief pause, everyone turns to Jongdae who is busy punching his straw into his new juice pouch. Looking up to see all eyes on him, he laughs awkwardly. "What?" He asks. "Do you guys really want to know?" They reply with a nod which makes him laugh once more. It's more solemn, hiding inner feelings that he seems to have buried into the pit of his chest.</p><p>"To be honest... I don't really know." It was half the truth. "I've been here for so long, I kind of forgot." </p><p>"How long have you been here, Jongdae?" Chanyeol's almond eyes are filled with curiosity, tall frame slightly leaning over his desk to hear more.</p><p>"A few years?" He really can't remember too much. "The last day I remember was in 2013..." </p><p>They all gasp in unison, expressions of shock filling their faces. Kyungsoo hasn't been here too long so of course he's shocked as well. Two years ago was the first time he stepped into this place and he hadn't gotten to know Jongdae too much. He was thankful for the latter's care and information shared, but they didn't share more than small conversations - straying away from deep topics. Once he was sealed here forever, Jongdae treated him the same and he didn't mind. He was more comfortable being alone unless he's with Jongin.</p><p>"Jongdae..." Jongin purses his lips. "That was six years ago. Back at home, it's 2019."</p><p>"Oh, shit..." Jongdae laughs. "Have I really been here that long?" It didn't seem like it - or maybe he had just become accustomed to the lifestyle he lives now. He laughs once more, rubbing the nape of his neck. "Guess I must be hella old."</p><p>In the next second, he can feel his head pounding. It's painful and his throat is beginning to burn. He can feel himself choking on the air as if it was liquid. Placing both of his hands at his throat, he feels tears brim in eyes before he attempts to scream. It doesn't work, continuing to choke on what's not there. The rest of the boys begin to panic as they try to reach out and help him. In that second, they all see a white light.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Baby... hurry." They can all hear a woman's voice echo as a vision seems to stop from blurring. It seems to be in the point of view of a teenage boy who's hands is shaking. His face can't be seen since it's as if they were looking from his own two eyes. But once he looks down to his school uniform, he can see his nametag. 'Kim Jongdae' it read, engraved into the tiny plastic.</p><p>"I'm scared, Yuna." His voice comes out shakily as his hand holding the bottle of bleach. They're in his car, fumes filling the small area. It irritates her, harshly taking the bottle from her boyfriend's hands. "Then give me this, you coward." She replies angrily, pretty little eyes staring into the liquid. "If you won't do it first, then I will."</p><p>There is a silence between them, sounds being their nervous huffs and faint love songs being played through Jongdae's radio. </p><p>"Don't you wanna be with me forever in that special place of ours?" Yuna asks, looking from side to side to make sure no one was witnessing what was about to be their end but their new beginning.</p><p>"Yeah, I do." He answers quickly, not wanting her to get the wrong idea. He wanted this more than anything. Jongdae wanted to spend every day of his life with her. It was the only reason he would ever end his life. He loved. God... He loved her so much.</p><p>Taking the bottle back, he looks at the liquid with small beads of tears filling his eyes.</p><p>"Then we have to do it together, okay?" She attempts to get him to do it first, beautiful orbs practically begging him to go first. She was scared as well and nothing would mean more than to see Jongdae was really willing to do it with her. She just needed a little push. </p><p>"If you don't do this... my parents are going to send me away to North America and we can never see each other again." It was the truth. It was the start of the whole plan after all. </p><p>After spending months together in their little safe haven, they found that what was the reason for them to be on Earth anyway when they could just reside in that world.</p><p>Jongdae ponders if there wasn't really anything worth living for. He guesses there wasn't.</p><p> </p><p>He drinks it.</p><p> </p><p>The taste isn't pleasant, as expected. It was awful and he wanted anything more than to drop the bottle and puke it out. But he doesn't and just forces it down, tipping the bottle higher with his palms, reminding him that he was in it for their love. Meanwhile, Yuna is watching with wide eyes. She's crying, but he doesn't see. His eyes are closed tight, ears listening to the music playing instead. </p><p>Jongdae is drinking too fast and once he realized he needs to save some for his love, he stops. The minute he does, he's choking and he feels the bleach burning at his throat and his insides. He feels like puking and for a moment, he thinks he does. Unfortunately what comes out isn't vomit but rather blood. Yuna screams at this, trying to hold the blood that drips from his mouth as if it was going to help their situation. She cries out his name loudly, replacing the loving tunes in the back. </p><p>Jongdae was dying and she didn't know what to do. This is what they wanted. She could call the cops, pulling out her little phone to dial the numbers. Her bloody fingers paint her phone in crimson as she attempts to call for help but something stops her. It wasn't that she did not want him to be saved but rather the trouble she would be in when the cops arrive. </p><p>Mind in fight or flight, she exits the car quickly and runs off. Anywhere but that car where Jongdae was still coughing up his love and crying in pain. The agony in his voice can clearly be heard as he gasps for fresh air but only meeting the taste of bleach and the toxic aroma. His eyes can see Yuna running away through the window, eyes slowly closing. </p><p>There goes the last breath.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When the sequence stops, Jongdae is crying hard and all of the boys' hands are still on him from all points. The male harshly pushes off their hands from his shoulders and arms before running off and down the hall. Jongin is quick to rise up from his seat to go and catch him but Kyungsoo stops him.</p><p>"Jongin..." He shakes his head as he sighs. "Give him some time. He needs some to himself."</p><p>He sits back down with a large frown. What the hell did they all just see?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Returning to school the next day, Jongin stops in the middle of the hallway as he sees Junmyeon standing by the office. He's busy smiling politely as he greets some of the students in the morning as he always does. Then he's taking some paperwork and bowing at teachers with that same smile. Jongin does not know how the boy does it, smiling through life as if it was dandy. He doesn't know why Junmyeon was in the other realm but the expression on the class president's face is enough to confirm that it definitely wasn't a dream as his eyes meet with Jongin. His smile melts into an embarrassed thin line before he slaps back on the smile to greet more students. </p><p>It's scary.</p><p>As the students all rush down the hall to find out their grades from their exams, Jongin is less than amused once he reaches the board. He had barely passed, ranking him quite low from the chart. He can hear the cheers of students as well as some groans. Turning his head to the right, he catches a glimpse of Chanyeol high fiving one of his close friends, Baekhyun. He assumes that they both have gotten high scores. But Chanyeol doesn't look too happy when Baekhyun quickly turns from him to a girl beside him. Jongin notices it's Kim Taeyeon, a very popular student in choir with Baekhyun. They seem to cheer on their own, forgetting that Chanyeol was even there. Guess everyone had their demons. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>After classes, Jongin is surprised but half glad that he doesn't catch Sehun today. It seems like he must have gone to do other things and he was running out of excuses to give his best friend anyway so it was good. Plus, he had to go home today and tell his mother of his grade on the exam. She wasn't too happy about it and his father seemed like he did not care as usual so he just resumed making his way to his room. Closing his door shut, he does his routine and takes a pill out of the bottle before putting back in it's hidden area. Then he's laying down and drifting off ten minutes after taking the small dosage. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Neat oxfords clacking against the clean tilts of the hallway, he smiles in the doorway of the classroom as he spots Kyungso in front of the window that's boarded in the real world. He was looking out at the sunset, a sweet smile gracing his face. </p><p>"Hey, beautiful." Jongin's voice fills the quiet room. It makes his presence known, having Kyungsoo turn with his face turning brighter than a second before. "Jongin!" He cheers, opening his arms wide for his boyfriend to come give him a hug. Jongin does with no arguments, instead of making his lover turn back towards the window as he hugs Kyungsoo from behind. "What are you doing?" He asks.</p><p>"Oh, nothing. I do this to pass the time until you get here." He admits bashfully, doe eyes staring out at the sight of many students leaving the school grounds. This throws Jongin off as he sees Sehun sitting on the school's bleachers on the ground floor. He gasps, hold slightly loosening on his lover. "Why the hell can I see Sehun?" </p><p>Looking away from that window, his eyes look over at the window beside it to see that it's not the same vision. It's empty out there on the field as it always is in this realm. However, out of this specific window, he's able to see something else. </p><p>Kyungsoo is unphased by this, having him chuckle. "You never looked out this window when you were here?" Kyungsoo asks. He doesn't know how it works since in the real world, this window was broken and boarded up with wooden planks but he never questioned about it too much. This window made him feel like he was back at home sometimes.</p><p>"Why can I see Sehun?" Jongin asks once more, eyes still wide as his head leans in closer to the open window. </p><p>"It's... The real world, I guess." He never really knew how to answer the questions regarding this place. "I don't know why... but we can see the real world through here. I see everything from morning to night." His smile is dim as he stares out at the quiet student sitting on the bleachers beside the pile of planes, tapping at his smartphone. Jongin is staring at Sehun as well, an idea coming to mind.</p><p>"Well then... Why don't you climb out?" He proposes, almost excitedly. "I can help you and maybe you can get back into the real world!"</p><p>Kyungsoo turns his head back to look at Jongin with a frown. "I...I can't." Does he really think Kyungsoo hasn't tried that before?</p><p>Reaching his small hand out towards the open window, he shows Jongin how his hand meets and invisible barrier. It stops him from leaving the building as if it was a reminder that Kyungsoo's life in that world was no more. He couldn't put even his hand out. Neither could Jongin, but the latter figures that it only made sense. What stayed in this world, stayed and this was just a window to the regular world.</p><p>"But... It's okay." The small student tries to pull his attention to him. Rising from his chair, he bends down to pick up one of the paper planes in a pile beside the chair. Jongin had not noticed it before.</p><p>Taking a step back, Kyungsoo prepares the plane for flight before it's flying and soaring out the window. Jongin's eyes go wider now as he gasps, watching the plane soar through the window and out to the field. The wind takes it further, having it do a little twirl before missing the pile beside the trash. Instead, it meets with Sehun's mop of hair and lands between the strands.</p><p>The live student looks puzzled as he takes the plane out of his hair and ruffles it as he walks away from the bleachers, annoyed. Kyungsoo chuckles at this and shrugs his shoulders. "Sehun is still Sehun."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jongin is not too sure about what to say about what happened earlier today. The paper plane and the window thing really has him puzzled. It's not like his objective here was to crack how this place worked, but it make him question a few things. If this was some sort of afterlife, why was he here? Why were Junmyeon and Chanyeol here as well? Is this some sort of place for those with depression? He didn't really know. All he knew was some people were here for good and some were okay with that. Guess he did not really have anything to be afraid of. He was just concerned.</p><p>The fingertips brushing through his hair kind of makes his worries disappear, looking up as Kyungsoo is smiling down at him. They're at their usual spot underneath the large tree. The sun was going down by now and Jongin knew that his time was almost up, so he wanted to enjoy it to the fullest. So he's been laying on Kyungsoo's lap since then.</p><p>"You know I love you, right?" Jongin asks the elder, his own hand coming up to hold the smaller's. "You're the best thing that has ever happened in my life, Soo."</p><p>Normally Kyungsoo would just coo and accept his love without question, but there was some uncertainty in his boyfriend's voice. "Why do you sound like you're never coming back?" He pouts, holding onto Jongin's hand tightly. "Is something wrong?"</p><p>Just the fact that Jongin's pills were almost out.</p><p>"No, dummy." He tries to assure his lover, shaking his head. "I just wanted to say that. I'm pretty sure I'll have to go back to the real world soon. I just don't want this to end..." He turns his head to face the sun that begins to set behind the buildings in the distance. It was almost dark if the sun wasn't peaking behind the silhouetted buildings.</p><p>As if it was a cue, a large white door appears in the middle of the football field as a bell chimes loudly throughout the world. On a normal visit, Jongin would take it as his sign to go, voluntarily walking through the door and wake in his bed. Today, he doesn't feel like leaving yet. There were only three more pills and he needed a way to buy some time to figure out how he would come back. Sleeping normally didn't work and only gave him useless dreams. </p><p>Kyungsoo stares at the door and drapes his arm over Jongin's chest as he sighs. "Why don't you stay with me for the night?" He asks. </p><p>Could he even do that? The last time he wanted to stay longer when he wanted to stay, his body was pulled away from this world and forced him to go back to where he came from. </p><p>The elder knew that this was probably bothering him. "Don't worry." He assures the younger with a gentle smile. "That happened on your first time here. It happens. But... If you stay here and ignore that door, it'll go away." With Kyungsoo's explanation, he doesn't have to hear more to make his decision.</p><p>"I'll stay." He answers. "But where would we sleep?" He hasn't stayed in this world overnight so he didn't exactly know how the sleeping arrangements worked. When Kyungsoo or Jongdae would nap, they slept on desks or in piles of leaves. It didn't exactly seem like the most comfortable option.</p><p>"Just follow me, silly."</p><p>Leaving the large tree and getting onto their feet, they walk back into the school building. Jongin thinks it seems much more different this time. It's dark out now and the hallways were lit with lights as they would be in the real world. He could hear some students laughing and chatting among themselves. Kyungsoo just drags him through by the hand, walking past some people who acted like this was apart of their everyday routine.</p><p>Reaching a door, Kyungsoo opens it and reveals a room dimly lit by the moonlight shining through the window.</p><p>"What's this?" Jongin asks. Normally, this room would be the janitor's closet in the real world. </p><p>"Think of it like... an on-call room or dorm room. It's a little weird, but this is a place for us to sleep!" He explains, shutting the door behind them. "Normally, some rooms have bunk beds. But I want it to just be us." Kyungsoo's a little shy, glad that the room was dark enough to hide his blushing face. </p><p>Tugging Jongin to the middle of the room, he stands in front of the taller with his lips pursed. It'll be the first time they'll be sleeping beside each other since he's passed. It reminded him of the little sleepovers he would have at Jongin's place. Even the bed's arrangement reminded him of Jongin's room, set against the wall.</p><p>They're both standing in the dark still, in silence. They felt a bit of pressure, both nervous underneath the moonlight. Jongin can see the shy expression on Kyungsoo's face, making his heart race within his chest. How long has it been since he's seen him outright bashful like this? He wanted nothing more than to kiss his lover hard in this room but he hasn't been able to do any of that in this world. Not because some magical thing would pull them apart, but he felt weird making out or doing anything that meant public display of affection on school grounds. It wasn't real school with teachers, but the setting always made him feel like he had to hold back.</p><p>"Can I... kiss you?" He breaks the silence with the question. </p><p>Kyungsoo is quick to answer with a kiss upon his lover's plump lips, small palms caressing Jongin's jawline. The latter is slightly surprised at the initiative but his tense body melts into willing passion, holding Kyungsoo by the waist. Their lips are dancing together in sync, rhythm slow and passionate. They missed this. Being able to hold each other close and kiss like no one was watching. There were no other worries than just being with each other.</p><p>Jongin licks along Kyungsoo's lower lip to ask for permission to take it a step further and it's answered with the elder's lips parting. There's room for Jongin's tongue to slip its way between and flick along Kyungsoo's own. The latter moans out quietly, slightly muffled by the kisses. Jongin's fingertips are rubbing along his lover's sides to mingle their way underneath his uniform. He can feel the elder's warm skin underneath and it has his skin growing goosebumps. </p><p>Their love has always been quite innocent, only doing these sorts of things once in a blue moon. But for some reason, it felt like it was the time. </p><p>Kyungsoo tugs Jongin by his uniform tie, walking backward until the back of his legs meets the edge of the mattress. Then his body is falling back until his back meets the cushioned surface. Jongin takes this as permission to tower over his lover's body.</p><p>This was certainly new, seeing Kyungsoo underneath him like this. Their breaths are heavy as they stare at each other for a moment.</p><p>"Soo... I..." He doesn't really know what he's supposed to say. There are so many things that come to mind but the pounding in his ears from the adrenaline has him speechless. </p><p>"It's okay." Kyungsoo smiles widely, seeing Jongin's tanned face from where he's laying. He reaches for Jongin's hand and brings it underneath his shirt to feel upon his chest as he shyly nods. "It really is okay." He assures. "I really want you, Jongin."</p><p> </p><p>Those words of consent were all he needed to know that he was allowed to make Kyungsoo feel his love in a different way that night. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>12:00 AM. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The world here has been reset and another black bead has found it's way into Jongin's transparent bracelet. Meanwhile, Kyungsoo's remains black as they're both sound asleep, bare naked in each other's arms.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Good Things Fall Apart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When Chanyeol enters the Afterlife, he feels the warmth laying upon his skin as his body lays on top of the field's green grass. There's a small smile on his lips as he stares up at the blue sky. Normally, he would get up and roam around the place or go play in the school's band room but today he settles here for a moment. It's peaceful times like these that make him wonder why he ever goes back to the real world. When Baekhyun's bright smile shines in the back of his lids when his eyes close for a second. That warm smile where his eyes turn to two little crescents as he bubbles out a laugh. Baekhyun was one of the biggest reasons he ever lived but now seeing that the smile belonged to Taeyeon now, his heartaches. There was no reason to return now, was there?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sitting upright now, he faces the sight of the cafeteria and his stomach grumbles. 'You're not hungry.' he tells himself. That wasn't true. Considering he was on his seventh day of starvation. Sure, there were little nibbles here and there but he simply didn't feel like eating. His heart was eating away at his sadness anyway. What was the need for food if his sadness was the replacement. Science was wrong and Chanyeol was sure of that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Opting to skip out on lunch, he gets off of the grass and finds a spot in the classroom where Kyungsoo normally resides during this time of the day. He takes a seat beside the said boy and watches as he is deeply immersed in </span>
  <em>
    <span>A Walk To Remember.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Whatcha reading?" He feels alone and wants to spark a conversation - though he has never really spoken a word to Kyungsoo in real life when he was alive.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The latter doesn't seem to mind the question, although answering nonchalantly. "A book." He answers simply. "It's one of my most favorites."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Things like that actually appear here?" He asks curiously. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"If Jongdae can drink a hundred juice boxes a day, why not my favorite book? You want a guitar or something simple to keep you entertained here? Wish for it and it'll probably appear." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chanyeol goes silent. He thinks of Jongdae and the last time he has seen the boy. It's been quite a while and he is a tad bit worried. Jongdae was the first person he had run into in this world and his presence was deeply missed. Snarky comments and sarcasm was needed sometimes in such a serious place. He was the comedic relief, although it makes much more sense as to why the boy had such dark humor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As he's thinking, he hears footsteps approaching close. Turning around, he spots Jongin who comes in with a dorky smile and a paper bag beside him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Soo," Jongin calls his name warmly as he holds out the bag towards his boyfriend. "I brought us lunch, baby." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Ah... Lunch... Love. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Chanyeol thinks to himself as the couple sit across from each other and begin to eat together. Chanyeol sits beside them awkwardly and drums a silent beat upon the wooden desk. His grumbling stomach joins him in rhythm, ironically.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Join and Kyungsoo both look at each other for a moment, then at Chanyeol. Their mouths are full as they chew awkwardly, hands grasping their sandwiches. "Want some?" Jongin offers politely to the peer with his sandwich wiggling in front of the tall boy's face. Chanyeol stares and his stomach says to give in, but his heart says no and he turns his head away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm good..." Chanyeol mumbles, looking off to the classroom's walls. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A look of concern spreads across Kyungsoo's face. "Are you sure?" He asks gently. "You can have my apple if you don't want to eat something big." He encourages while staying his distance. He has a gut feeling that Chanyeol surely is hungry. He's been through that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm okay." This time his answer was firm, making the couple stop their offerings. "It just growls when it wants."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well then maybe it means you're hungry, dummy." Jongin attempts to playfully respond, resuming in eating his sandwich. Chanyeol doesn't reply though. He's too busy tapping away at the bangle that wraps around his slim wrist, watching as the transparent band begins to fill with black. His eyes watch in curiosity. It's so beautiful, he thinks, as the black fills the bracelet all the way through. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It's almost pitch black. There's only a small space left before it's filled.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It's the next day when Jongin returns to school in the real world. Everything is the same. Sehun stays his distance while still conversating with him and Junmyeon is still being curt and formal with him even though Jongin basically knows his biggest secret. The only difference is that Chanyeol is nowhere to be seen. This is noted only because Jongin is used to passing by the taller during the break. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They always pass by each other as Chanyeol walks beside Baekhyun. This time he only sees the small boy with his girlfriend around his arm, though Baekhyun seems less enthusiastic today for some reason. It peaks Jongin's curiosity - and his worry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Word sure does spread fast and rumor has it that Chanyeol was sick, but Jongin heard it was just the common cold.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After school, Baekhyun just wants to rush out of the building and go see Chanyeol. The text he got this morning was enough to worry the hell out of him. He was definitely not in the right mind after what he read.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was from Chanyeol's mother. Apparently his best friend was admitted into the hospital and was being as stubborn as can be. She pleaded for Baekhyun to come visit the boy and beg him to take care of himself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Damn it, Chanyeol. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He frowned. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why do you have to be so fucking stubborn?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What's wrong, babe?" Taeyeon noticed the smaller's attention drifting off as they walked down the school halls. "Did something happen? Is it Chanyeol?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hm? Oh... yeah." Baekhyun seems so distant, mind running in circles. "I gotta go see him, okay? Just to make sure he's alright." He wasn't. "It's alright we don't hang out today, right? You understand."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His girlfriend only grimaced and reluctantly agreed with a small nod. "Sure." She answered. "Just make sure to text me, okay?" Her voice is slightly whiny as she juts out her lower lip into a pout. They share a quick kiss before Baekhyun is off and running.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When he swings the door to Chanyeol's room, his breath hitches at the sight of Chanyeol. Has he always been that skinny? The taller's sleeves weren't enough to cover his arms. Chanyeol's drastic weight loss was probably why the boy had always worn a hoodie over his uniform and always threw a fit when teachers told him to remove it, resulting in them allowing him to just keep it on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeol..." He chokes. "What the hell..."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chanyeol's response is slow as he turns his head to see Baekhyun standing in the doorway. He expected to hear his mother call him when he heard the door slide open. He didn't expect the love of his life to show up. He didn't want for Baekhyun to ever see him in this state.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was weak, both inside and out. It was embarrassing. But probably not as embarrassing as being in love with him forever. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hey, Baek." He manages to chuckle despite the loss of energy. "What are you crying for?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You've lost so much weight... Why haven't you been taking care of yourself?" The boy ignores the other's question as he approaches the bed to feel upon Chanyeol's arms. The latter can feel his weak body fill with butterflies, pooling in his empty stomach and filling where his hunger resides. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It's sad, he thinks, how he's not hungry for anything but Baekhyun's love.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah. Wasn't hungry." He replies, tearing his eyes away from his best friend to stare at the opposite side. He stares out the window and is reminded of the Afterlife.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Why are you being so stubborn, Chanyeol?" Baekhyun's voice raises, trying to gain the boy's attention. "I heard you haven't eaten in a week! What's wrong with you?" He questions, gently tugging on the boy to get him to look at him. Chanyeol doesn't budge, wanting to hide away his tears. He can feel his soul slowly leaving his body with each second.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You were battling your sadness all alone... Why didn't you lean on me, Chanyeol? We always tell each other everything!" It seems as if he was having a conversation with himself, now endearingly brushing Chanyeol's skin with his thumb. "You know I care for you, right? Why are you doing this to yourself?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was so irritating. Baekhyun could never understand the pain he was in. What was with all of the questions? All of a sudden he cared when he was on his death bed? For just one second, Chanyeol hated him. He was so fed up with the constant questions when he had been hurting all along. With a deep inhale, he turns his body to face Baekhyun with all of the energy he had left. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Because I'm in love with you!" He drops the bomb and suddenly Baekhyun's questions stop. The smaller finally sees as Chanyeol reveals the stream of tears falling down his face, the pain and ache in the boy's brown eyes. "I've always been in love with you all this time!" His voice is loud, although shaky. "Do you know how painful it's been to see you date different girls and never look at me like that just once?" Chanyeol can feel his best friend's grasp on his arm loosen with each word. It was better this way, anyway. He didn't want Baekhyun to watch him deteriorate. "I have loved you for so long, Baekhyun. It hurt me so bad to the point where I can't watch anymore. I can't watch people constantly hurt you and heal you when I can't even heal myself."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There's a long pause.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Chany-" Baekhyun tries to speak before Chanyeol closes his eyes and mutters under his breath. "What?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I said I hate you." The taller still has his eyes closed, last tears falling. "I hate to love you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"But Chanyeol... I..." He doesn't know what to say in response to everything he's heard. What could he say?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm tired." The sick boy's breath comes out shakily, body straightening to lay flat on his back now. "Please leave." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"But Yeol, I-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Leave!" He tries more strictly now, pursing his lips to hold back the whimpers that beg to be released. His throat is itching as he wants to scream out loud, though he barely has the energy to. "Leave and never come back." He forces those words out with all of his might. "I never want to see you again."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In that instant, Baekhyun's heart shatters in every way possible. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He complies and leaves without a word.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>¯When he finally hears the door close shut, Chanyeol turns to see that Baekhyun really left. Maybe he didn't care for him after all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he was wrong. Baekhyun cared for him more than words could ever say.</span>
</p>
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